How to Be Assertive, Respectfully
Have you ever felt the urge to tell someone how you really feel, yet you were nervous it might come off as a little too mean? Or maybe you knew what you said was mean, and you said it anyway? Have you ever felt like you needed to assert yourself, yet you were unsure of how to do so while also being respectful of others? If you said yes to any of these questions, then respectfully, this post is for you.
One of the things that connects us all as humans is the universal need to feel seen, heard and valued. An article published to Psychology Today actually explains that “the first experience in each brain… is the sense that you will die if you are not heard.”
I’m sure we all know what it feels like to be unheard from one experience or another in our lives—what are some of the things that keep us from feeling truly heard though?
The fear of someone thinking that what we have to say is unimportant
The fear that what we say will be packaged or perceived as mean
The fear that our feelings are invalid
Trouble with self-expression
The list goes on. The struggle to be heard or understood is often related to a lack of assertiveness. This is not always the case, however, when it is, it is something worth working on. Today, we are going to focus on three things you can do to be more assertive, while also being respectful of others.
Build Self Confidence
What is self confidence? Self confidence is a term that refers to “one’s capacity for believing and trusting in one's own abilities, qualities and judgement.” (The Academic Glossary) You can build self confidence by choosing to believe in yourself.
Of course you will fail. Of course you will make mistakes. That’s life. Self confidence is more of an “all in all” effort than an “all or nothing.” Choose to believe in your ability to say what you mean, and choose to speak what you know or what you believe with authority.
Practise Self-Expression
Self-expression refers to “one's capacity for sharing one's own thoughts, feelings and ideas with others, especially in writing, art, music or dance.” (The Academic Glossary) Being respectfully assertive requires clear and direct communication, which means that you’ll need to be able to accurately express your thoughts and feelings in order for you to get it right.
You can practise self-expression through the arts, through meditation, and in everyday conversations!
Maintain Sensitivity to Others
Sensitivity to others is a universal core competency that refers to “one's capacity for communicating and understanding the feelings and perspectives of others while maintaining balance in one's own decision making and thought process.” (The Academic Blog)
Sometimes, if we’re not careful, we over-sensationalise the idea of being sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others—so much so that we refrain from ever saying what we truly mean, believe or desire. As you build self confidence and self-expression, remember that being sensitive to others should never stop you from being honest. If anything, it should allow you the freedom to be more transparent, vulnerable and assertive when you speak.
Put these tips to work as you go about your day and see how it feels. Try it out for a month and see how things begin to change in your life. Take your power back, and use your voice.
Why sink when you can SWIM?
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