Have you ever found yourself in a position where you felt like you could not move forward because of something that made you feel afraid? Have you ever felt so driven by your worry that you spoke or acted out of character and wished you could take back what you said or did? If you answered yes to any part of these questions, then this post is for you.

How many times have you heard the “I would, but I’m scared…” or “I want to, but I’m worried…” statements in your life? How many times have you been the person saying or thinking/believing these things? Fear has long been known as an enemy of progress in the lives of humans everywhere. Still, not everyone understands why.

The Definition of Fear

Fear can be defined as “an unpleasant feeling or thought perpetuated by the concern of some potential threat or danger, whether real or imagined. [2] An archaic term used to describe an indeterminable blend of dread and respect for a powerful being or deity.” (The Academic Blog)

There is this troubling thing we do as humans, especially in some certain subsects of culture, where we limit our understanding of what fear is and how it operates based on acronyms that encourage us to think a certain way about it.

“Fear is the false evidence of things appearing real.”

“Fear stands for face everything and rise.”

As well meaning as these statements may be, they are in fact untrue. Fear cannot be reasonably summed up as the false evidence of things appearing real. Sometimes the things we are worried about or afraid of are actually real and often difficult to understand or navigate. The same could be said for the call to action concept that fear means “face everything and rise,” although this statement would be more useful in most situations. Eventually, we hope to rise out of any situation that has us feeling down. Right?

Overcoming Fear

In order to face the things we fear and overcome them, we need to build bridges of genuine understanding, courage and faith between where we are and where we would like to be. Let’s look at this example:

You and your friend Jeremy haven’t been talking lately. He threw a birthday party and you totally forgot about it because you’ve been stressed under the pressure of preparing for a big exam, and you never added the event to your calendar. You did promise him two weeks ago that you would be there though, so he was expecting you to show.

It’s been a few weeks since you missed the party, and you’re afraid to reach out because Jeremy has been posting about the party, and you are afraid he will be upset with you and possibly not want to be your friend anymore, especially since this is not the first time something like this has happened. You want to make up and continue the friendship, but your fear has gotten the best of you.

Understanding that you both have unique experiences and feelings around this situation implies that in order to get through this, both you and Jeremy will need to have a discussion about the matter at hand in a safe space, where the both of you will be free to honestly express your feelings, hopes and intentions. 

Courage will be needed, because even though you can be confident or certain about your intentions to be honest and non confrontational, you may still be nervous and unsure about Jeremy’s initial reaction or final decision on the matter. Last, and far from least, faith is very much required in the advent of overcoming fear.

Faith is “an active belief in a potential outcome that has not yet been seen or otherwise proven or experienced.” (The Academic Glossary) It is distinguished from the qualities of hope, belief or intent because it is always paired with action towards an expected unknown outcome. So in the case of your rift with your friend Jeremy, by reaching out and having the discussion you are acting in faith. Faith that you will find closure, or reconciliation. Faith that you will learn or achieve something new.

Whatever fears you may be facing today, there is a way to overcome them. Fear is not more powerful than you, and it does not need to have the final say in any season of your life.

Why sink when you can SWIM?

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