How to End A Relationship, Respectfully
Are you in an unhealthy relationship with someone you love and respect, but you just don’t know how to get out of it? Are you in a relationship with someone you feel you have lost respect for, but you’re still unsure of the best way to discontinue your relationship? If you’re in any variation of these tricky situations, and you are hoping to move forward without the tumult of the relationship you are currently in, then this post is for you.
Check in with yourself.
Being in a relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic, professional or familial can be really challenging for a number of reasons. One of the more challenging aspects of relationships we find ourselves really involved in is that sometimes, if we’re not careful, we begin to think a bit too much from the perspective of the other person and a bit too little from the perspective of our authentic selves.
In good times and bad times, in all life’s ups and downs, the most important voice you will ever listen to is your own. It is incredibly important that you are in tune with your truest self and the reality of your interests and desires. This is how we show up authentically in our relationships with others. So, when things have gone awry in any relationship in your life, take a moment to check in with yourself?
“Have I been honest about who I am and what I desire?”
“Have I been consistent? Are there any mixed messages I may have been sending as of late?”
“What am I really feeling in this relationship right now, and what do I want moving forward?”
“Am I willing to move forward with this person, and to what extent or cost?”
These are some example questions you may need to ask yourself when dealing with a relationship that feels broken, especially one that feels broken beyond the hope of repair because let’s face – if you’ve come to this post, then you probably already know what it’s like to be in one of these situations.
Check in with the other person.
A really important next step when dealing with the desire to end a relationship is checking in with the other person. Now, it is not always necessary to check in with a person to discuss the end of a relationship. Here’s why. Regardless of what social media or Lifetime TV may have told you, you don’t inherently owe anyone anything, and no one in this life inherently owes you anything. Period.
Some relationships require some discussion in order for you to clear a path forward for yourself that successfully avoids unnecessary tolls on your mental and emotional health, however, this is not always the case. It is important for you to be able to discern the difference.
If you are able, and the other person is willing, create a safe space for the two of you to engage in a discussion about the problems each of you are facing within the context of your relationship. If you are open to rekindling what the two of you once shared, go ahead and make that clear. However, if you are unwilling to move forward with this person, go ahead and make that clear during your discussion when it is most appropriate.
Safe spaces are paramount to the success of tough conversations. Before you dive into the issues of how this person’s words and actions have left you to feel, and before they dive into the illustration of how your behaviour has impacted them, be sure to make it very clear that you are both committing to holding a safe space for the other person to express themselves with uninterrupted authenticity.
Now, if you feel like a conversation about the potential end of your relationship with someone in your life will require more than you can afford to give of your mental health, go ahead and exit stage left—let the relationship go without the conversation. Even if you are feeling unsure, it is always better to move forward than to remain still in one place for too long a time. It is also better to end the relationship without the conversation than to have the conversation without the procurement of a safe space.
Ghosting does not have the best reputation socially, however, we do it a lot more than we care to admit, and sometimes we don’t do it when it actually needs to be done. Sure, it is nice to feel a sense of closure from one chapter of our lives that helps us turn the page to what’s next, however, if you are unable to endure the process of what the journey to that closure might look like right now, you need to do what is best for you. Even if it feels selfish, do what needs to be done. You cannot help someone if you are unwilling to help yourself.
Move on with your life.
Once you have resolved to end a relationship, you need to move on. There is more life to be lived – go out and live it! What dreams are you chasing? What new realities do you have the power to create? Your future is literally in the palm of your hands –don’t waste it fixating on what used to be.
This is a really important part of ending a relationship. A lot of people get stuck reminiscing on past memories shared with people who are no longer a part of their lives, and if they’re not careful, they begin to dwell in that space, abandoning their present and future potential by focusing on something that they had once resolved to leave behind.
If you are in a situation right now where you feel it necessary to end a relationship (or two, or six, or nine), take this advice. Don’t go another day wondering why things never work out. Take ownership of your decision to stay or go, and take action in direction of the desires of your heart.
Why sink when you can SWIM?
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